Shinequa

Mr G's IVF Struggle

2011-12-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

Well known actor singer, director, choreographer, teacher and drama veteran Greg Gregson has told Shinequa in a world exclusive of his IVF pain.

With a smash single ‘Naughty Girl’ under his belt and the ABC hit television series to his name you wouldn’t think the superstar of sight and sound would have any medical problems.

Born Helen, but known as Greg was diagnosed with cancer if the testis in September 2000. “It was one of the hardest times of my life, I remember watching Kathy Freeman lighting the Olympic cauldron and thinking IM GOING TO BE A FREAK WITH 1 BALL!”. He was forced to drop out of a role in Baz Lurhman’s Moulin Rouge made famous by Ewan McGregor.

After 5 intensive months of chemo and traditional Chinese herbal colonic irrigation he was sent into remission. After 4 years cancer free Mr. G decided he wanted a mini Mr or Ms G to inherit is multimillion dollar estate and his multitude of talents.

Celine (Named after the Canadian pop diva) and Greg headed over to the Kuala Lumpur IVF Centre.
“Bloody Celine’s ovaries had stopped producing ova we were left high and dry. Before our flight back to Oz departed I left the cage door open and dumped her into the wild streets of KL.” Gregson told Shinequa.
The last that Mr G had herd from Celine she was working the streets as a dog whore specializing in Japanese businessmen’s school girl fetishes.

Greg has found new love in Celine II, “We me online and we have been inseparable ever since.”
Greg’s latest musical Midnight Strobes, The Arena Spectacular will be playing at Rod Laver Arena. Tickets are available at Ticketeck.

Image from ninemsn.com.au

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2011-11-11T02:39:00.000-08:00

2011-11-09T19:32:00.000-08:00

They speak a language that has only been cracked by scientists at Harvard university. Many Bogan's have barely finished day care. They pass their days at the centrelink offices, St Vinnies, the hospital pumping out children or at the discount table at their local K-Mart.

Bogans, a tragic ethnic group that live in the country of Australia. Bogans are otherwise known as Bums, ‘The Poor’ or a person that have been publicly education for a majority of their life. This Shinequa Special Guide will give you the skills so you know what to do when encountered by one of these tragic humans.

First you need to know the life of which a Bogan comes from. Imagine a third world country and make it 5 times worse. They live shanties owned by the government. These shanties have no toilets or pluming so all of their water is sourced from the local well. They eat a diet of mainly 2 minute noodles (home brand), Home brand cola, home brand alcohol and cigarettes.

The Bogan race can be divided into 3 groups, they are-

1) The Alcoholic Mother

This type of bogan has 15 children to 15 different fathers. Lives in denial and the weekly highlight is the trip to the local pub for a good bingo game followed by getting smashed and pumping out another child at the age of 55.

Looks Like– mid height, mullet perm with oversized woollen knit jumper with floral emblem and skinny leg jeans. Ugboots are optional.

2) The Wootang middle-aged Male

This type of bogan lives on scotch and home brand cola, has 3 dozen children by the age of 19. Lives with his mother. Has been on centrelink payments for 15 years.

By The age of 13 this piece of scum has left home to pursue her new career, Street walking. In the next three years she has 5 babies and over 15 hundred sexual encounters. She now lives in a caravan park in an rundown caravan from the late 1920’s. She has 22 children and she only has 5 because Child Welfare has taken them away. She eats a diet of Fish and Chips, Home brand Twisties and drinks 5 litres of scotch a day.

Looks Like– Short, Has just seen daylight for the first time in 5 centuries, has a black eye and wearing sunglasses. Has an arse the size of a small 2 door hatch back.

Looks Like– Mid Height, short urine coloured home bleached hair. Wears DaDa clothing with oversized baggy track pant with boxer shorts showing.

3) Trailer Trash bashed Prostitute

Looks Like– Short, Has just seen daylight for the first time in 5 centuries, has a black eye and wearing sunglasses. Has an arse the size of a small 2 door hatch back.

Fashion of the Skies

2011-11-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

Air France

France does to things well, Food and Fashion. Air France’s uniform looks like it has been taken directly off the runway of a luxury fashion houses’ collection.

An entire wardrobe of over 100 pieces was designed by Christian Lacroix to enable all the Air France staff to customize their own look. Air France sets the bar high in world of flight attendant uniforms

Rating: 10/10

Virgin Australia

The recently re-launched Virgin Australia also introduced a brand new uniform. Designed by Project Runway Australia winner Juli Grbac it features red with splashes of purple, similar to Virgin Atlantics uniform.

We love the new Virgin’s uniform and is a pleasant change from Qantas dated aboriginal print uniforms!

Rating: 8/10

Malaysia Airlines

What can we say! We love the Malaysia Airlines uniforms. Love it or hate it the Sarong Kebaya designed in 1986 has become an icon of Malaysia Airlines.

We love how the tight fitting sarong forces the flight attendants shuffle up and down the aisles of the planes making it entertaining for any passenger.

Rating: 6/10

Emirates

MY CATARACTS! Get an eye surgeon my eyes! Emirates airlines uniform is vial. The conservative country rules insure that the ill-fitting below the knee uniform ensemble looks like road kill.

If that isn’t enough THE HAT! For fuck sake you will NOT get burnt in the plane! Anyone who next time flying Emirates wear sunglasses!

Rating: 2/10

Air Asia

Just because Air Asia is a low-cost carrier doesn’t mean that its uniforms have to be the same.

CHEAP AND NASTY sums up this vial creation most likely made in a sweat shop close to Bali airport. And if their uniform could get any worse it does! The jacket zipper looks like it comes from a sports bag! Don’t be surprised if the zipper is missing next time you fly!

Rating: 4/10

Air New Zealand

Is that a JOKE! No its not. Described as one Air New Zealand flight attendant as “drag queen esque” and by us as ‘electric pink vomit” this not a sight you would like to look at on a 10 hour plus flight.

We recommend that the nation of sheep worshippers wear a sheep wool shawl to ensure any Australian can point and laugh.

Rating: 0/10